i gotta get out of here.

I’m stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake
I gotta get out of here
And I’m begging you, I’m begging you, I’m begging you to be my escape
I’ve given up on doing this alone now
Guess I failed and I’m ready to be shown how
You told me the way and now I’m trying to get there
And this life sentence that I’m serving
I admit that I’m every bit deserving
But the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair
-be my escape

i'm kinda obsessed with that song again. it takes me back to my freshman years. haha.

i don't have a ton of time to update, but i thought right now might be a good time.
this whole time change thing is really screwing me up, i'm going to be so tired tomorrow.

so i just got back a few hours ago from being at home for spring break. all around, spring break was AMAZING. i don't think i've been so happy in while. i just feel so blessed to be surrounded my so many amazing friends who i know honestly care about me. it's weird that usually everyone grows apart from their friends when they move away, but we've all just gotten so much closer. and i've made so many new friends. 

a few things that sucked over break:
-i got a phone call at 8 in the morning one day saying that i don't have a job anymore. the school cancelled my work study for some long reason and now the place i work is having a hard time finding the money to pay me. 
-i got my first speeding ticket. i went on a road trip up to cedar falls to visit katlynne. it was a perfect drive there. i loooovee road trips so much. so when i got there, we decided to just head back because there wasn't anything to do. well, i was speeding. i was going 80 in a 70. i also didn't have the insurance or registration in the car, b.c. my sister took it out. but  i just got a warning for that (it would have been $350), but i got a $100 speeding ticket.
-i missed church this morning. i turned off my alarm without realizing it. i really don't even remember it going off. i was soo mad. 

so now that i am back, it just feels so weird. i had a really long talk with my roommate. both of us just aren't as happy here anymore, and we don't really know why. i feel so distant from my friends, and honestly i just kinda want new ones. most of my friends went to canada for spring break (which i was planning on going, but backed out), literally all the stories i have heard were i was SOO drunk/high and did blah blah blah. it was honestly just annoying. i haven't drank in over 4 weeks, which might not sound like a long time, but there have been many oppertunities that i have turned down. i guess thats the reason for most of this stuff honestly. idk. i know that i'm supposed to be here, i just think that since i'm not liking it, that i'm trying to make myself thing that God is saying to leave, but i know it's not true. 

thankfully, i only have 8 more weeks left. i'm praying that next year will be different. maybe summer will help open up my eyes on why i was so ready to leave in the first place. i feel like i sound all sad and depressed, but i'm really not. haha. just very confused.

this is much longer than i planned. i'm sorry if you read it all:)